how the flu cured my worry//january joys

31 days in.

a month can go by so quickly.

and it's been a weird one.

nothing has panned out how i meticulously planned and yet i am not overly discouraged and hope for better and more seems to be hanging in strong.

january began with the best of intentions, much like it always does.  new goals, fresh starts, changes...these are the things that define the beginning of a new year.  oh but how quickly that newness slipped away into the suddenly same old same old.

but the unexpected arrived and the shifts inside me were and are rather remarkable.

the flu brought much needed rest which allowed me the time to renew and refresh.

and with that renewal and refreshment began this marked peace inside of me.  usually i am overcome with worries and fears about so so so many things.  but this rest and refueling, this need to offer myself greater care, caused the worries and fears to subside and me to accept what is and live with it.  there are some acceptances that aren't good, but this was an acceptance i needed.  and it was quite a strange way for it to come in.  for someone who is not sick often, it really gets me down when it comes.  and this time around, i am beyond thankful for it getting me down, because in so many ways that rest gave me so much...space to think...to be...to dwell in Him.

rather than january being filed with too many commitments and being stretched too thin, i for once, have really began to feel that which is"right" for me.  unfortunately i cannot seem to mark this "rightness" with words that are clear and concise for me to remember and refer back to.  it's just a gut feeling, you know?

which is new and better of me...because i am learning to be kinder to myself, less harsh, less demanding, more graceful.

dear ones in my life, who know me all too well, would stand and applaud at that last statement.  being kind and gracious to myself is a rarity.  i suppose i can chalk this new revelation up to the flu as well.  thanks sickness, you've been good to me.

January, for the record: sickness-1, sad days-2, accomplishing goals-2, crying in the car on the way home-1, days i really truly loved-4, blue days-3, learning to be kinder-16*

here's to a new month. welcome, february!