an attachment of sorts.

i've been away from this blog now for a couple of months...yet somehow i always find myself coming back.  in need of inspiration, or a form of expression, this blog and i have an attachment to one another.  i find other blogs through it that encourage my heart and inspire my soul and bring an understanding from and towards strangers i will most likely never meet. and yet, these random bloggers out there have impacted my life in unique ways.  maybe i've impacted someone else's life who has stumbled upon this blog and read some random words that maybe meant something to them.  i will never know, but whether it is that, or the form of the therapy this blog offers me, i still return.

and here i am at a new place in life.  i can finally call myself teacher, and it feels real.  i can call myself writer, and it too in some ways feels real. i'm still a barista, and while that holds its sorrow, i cannot truly express anything but gratitude for the roles i play in my life currently.  i'm learning and growing, which for me, is the best part of all of this life stuff.  if i didn't feel as though every day i were learning, and every week or month or so, i experienced some marked growth, i would wonder what i was really doing with my life.

i'm single and i'm loved.  there have been seasons of my life where i've questioned whether i was loved, by anyone, and that included myself.  but through my journey this year, my life through 2012, i have in fact learned what it is to be loved, more so now than i have in most of my life.  i think that this year i've really been able to see and gain a glimpse of understanding of motherly love.  i see this in how my mother loves and cares for me, and i've learned this through caring for an adorable monster of a puppy.  i too am learning that real authentic love, true love comes from God.  i am learning that who i am and what matters most about me is solely the fact that i am loved by a graceful God.  i am loved by Jesus who willingly gave Himself for me. and no other love will i ever experience that compares to that.

my attachment to words and all that they can convey draws me back to this place.  the allure of autumn stirs in me the desire to eat up words in all their forms, and as a result they pour out of me with a new fire.  a fire that only seems to burn through these latter months of the year.  the fall weather, the early nightfall, the holidays on the horizon, alight my soul, and inspire me in so many creative ways.  and i will let it.  my vow to myself this year, for this autumn season is to create the space for the fire to burn deep.  i want to allow it the room to touch all facets of my heart and spirit.  i want to see what it will birth in and around me.  this attachment will not waver, it will only grow.