keep me here

i am not certain of much. i am certain of this.
today is beautiful.
i am sitting in the center of my room on the hardwood floor.
the first offish day i've had in awhile.
mindy is singing softly in the background.
i find the fear and chaos that has gripped my heart lately, slowly slipping away from me.
i am breathing slowly and deeply.
i am feeling him draw me in once again.
where have i been?
why did i leave?
why is it so easy to slip away, slide into the silky black sea, only to get lost in panic when darkness envelops me.

i am emerging once again. gracious he draws me out and into him. here i sit breathing calmly again. don't let go...don't let go.

tears fall freely now. keep me here...keep me here




i need peace of mind and a hopeful heart to lose this rage and move out of the dark. i am looking for rainbows and shooting stars, i need peace of mind and a lullaby. there is an angry voice in my head tonight telling me to do things that can't be right. i need peace of mind and a lullaby. and a miracle for this broken soul. i need peace of mind and a gentle hand as i try to change the way i am and i hope God forgives me when i can't.

~thought for the day~

Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability. -Roy L. Smith

Where might discipline lead me today?

Practicing His Presence...

God has delighted my soul today. It is a lovely morning! Thinking of all the beauty I've encounted this week, takes me back to our morning in Julian last weekend.

This is the soul encouragement for the day, a few more words from Brother Lawrence!

That we ought not to be weary of doing little things for the love of God, who regards not the greatness of the work, but the love with which it is performed. That we should not wonder if, in the beginning, we often failed in our endeavors, but that at last we should gain a habit, which willnaturally produce its acts in us, without care, and to our exceeding great delight.

from there to here

there's where i've been.
in the pit. it was a place of self-loathing. there is where i could hate myself. there is where i had nothing to offer to anyone. there is where no one would have to look at me, think of me, encounter me, deal with me. there is where i wanted to be, where i thought i needed to be. there is where i thought i best be to keep God from me, as well as, everyone else. If I saw/thought/felt/believed there is where I should be, so must EVERYONE else. i was in the pit. the pit of despair, the pit of selfishness, the pit of tears, the pit of lostness, the pit of loneliness, the pit of darkness.

GOD lifted me out of it. God loved me out of it. God drew me out of it. God wooed me out of it.

The pit exists, but i no longer reside there.

here is where i am.

God loves me here. (God loved me there too, I just didn't see it when I was there) I'm learning to love being here...to love me here. Here is where love resides. God's love overwhelms, and here is where others are loved too.

here is where i want to stay.