heaps of gratitude...

Thanksgiving has passed, and December is here.
As earnestly as it was hoped for, the holiday did not go by this year without a hitch. What was planned to be a quiet day of quality time with family, eating a big dinner, enjoying a rainy Thanksgiving, turned out to be, just the opposite (well, except for the rain).

The thing I didn't realize was I missed out on the whole giving thanks part. I probably wasn't feeling to thankful that day, but that's kind of a ridiculous thing to say, when there is always plenty to give thanks for. I mean, there was no turkey dinner, or real quality time with family...crap crept its way in, and instead for me, there was this earnest awareness that completely enveloped me.

It was this awareness of the sad state of so many of the lives surrounding me. I was literally to the point of tears driving to work that day thinking of all the brokenness and emptiness in the in the lives I am witness to, and this in some ways includes my own life.

So there I am, just feeling so meh! so sad, so heartbroken, so discouraged, so hopeless...and in those same moments of pity and sorrow, there is something like a soft whisper in my ear. There is a gentle hand wiping the tears from my cheek. There is a strong arm wrapped around my trembling body...and then I just know. I know it's Him, and I begin to feel a calm wash over me.

I know He is there. He knew my Thanksgiving day would end up like this. He knew where I would be when all the emotion and messiness of the day finally bubbled up and over and began to crowd in on me. Even though I never conciously asked for Him to come, He did. He was there. He is here...and I am thankful! SO THANKFUL! I had forgotten, even just for a moment, or an hour, or even the whole day, that He was there, that He cared, and He knew...He knows!

The phrase heaps of gratitude popped into my head. I was thinking of massive piles of fallen leaves covering the front yard in its entirety...would not even begin to express the heaps of gratitude I feel even right now.

Thankful...overwhelmed with gratitude.
He is real...so much bigger than our circumstances and feelings...ever present...always faithful...and I'm thankful!

punch love.

the punch brothers are the most amazing epic band ever.  i am officially a fan, loyal and utterly devoted, privileged with the opportunity and responsibility to spread the word about their awesomeness.

chris thile can sit on a stage and eat bread, and he'd still blow minds.

the Punch Brothers are on tour now, and i will see them. no matter how many miles i must travel. and i will forgive them for forsaking the land of the tan and blonde. and when i see them, my life will feel complete, and i will kiss thile's feet.

you can hear why here.

Good God,

Give it all... break it all, lost it all in trade for you. Leave it all, gain it all, leave again. I'll come running back to you. I would give it all away to make you happy. I can't see the day the night romances me... Dream it all, build it all, cry it all, laugh it all the way with you, lost the night, lose the day, and run away...until you say romance me, dance around the room."

Seriously, I don't get how You do it. Through the muck of my day, under the inconvenience, over the mundane, with every push and pull, You do the unexpected! You totally surprise me, catch me off guard, and warm my heart.


Thanks God for that gentle reminder that You've been walking along side of me all along. Thanks for putting up with me when I get totally distracted and crazy wound up with an immense amount of worry You never meant for me to carry. Thanks God for getting it, and reminding me once again of the simplicity I so long to live inside of!

I want to abandon the loads of crappy baggage I've been harboring so long now, that only weighs me down and keeps me from You. Swallow me up in Your Grace God!

autumn's glory

i like to write about the seasons. this blog is evident of that. yes, autumn is here...which shows it took two seasons for me to update. ah, that's life i suppose. there is so much here to enjoy in these moments. it is a cool october afternoon, and everything seems to be turning orange and brown. there is a tree in my parents backyard that perfectly depicts the season's change. the once full, green, leaved tree that covered us with shade in the hot summer heat, now has a yellow brown twinge to it, and the leaves are slowly beginning to fall and fade away. by christmas day, this tree will be bare, as we welcome winter.

there is something sweet about autumn...a certain darkness, a melancholy mood that fills my soul, a simple sadness that exists in the air. acoustic music takes over my ipod, and pumpkin coffee becomes my drink of choice. my home transforms its color decor to match the season, burgundy, rich dark greens, loud reds, and various shades of orange.

i suddenly find myself loving nothing more than to curl up in the cool of the evening with a hot cup of tea, and a fabulous book with a kitty in my lap.

cheers to autumn.

spring is upon us...

to daylight savings...hip hip hooray!!! a sign that summer's just around the corner. baseball season is so close i can smell the beer a brewin' and hear the crack of the bat as it belts that baseball past the centerfield fence. dusk won't greet us till after 7pm, and the days are cautiously getting warmer. all signs point to a wardrobe of tank tops and flip flops...ah spring is upon us. welcome!

and she took a bite of the fruit and it was...

bitter. Nothing is more cancerous to the soul than fellowshipping with the "Bitter Betty's" of this world. I know our world is a crappy place, and people suck, and everyone's in it for the money, and no one cares, and blah, blah, blah...I mean seriously do we not have anything else in this life to rant and rave about, except what pisses us off, or who is annoying us, or whatever. Okay maybe I am sounding a bit bitter now. I resolve to never become a "Bitter Betty!" Yes, things surely suck from time to time, but can't we see any goodness in life anymore? i know it's there. Maybe the eyes of our heart are too blinded by bitterness to recognize it anymore. I know its hard to find, but if we seek it out, if we soften our hearts, we just might catch that rare glimpse. and who knows that mere glimpse can turn into an amazing experience to be had. Share a kind word, a smile, a sunset, a good song, an inspirational verse or poem. It is possible to see the world without bitterness. Look hard enough and you'll find it. Stop complaining and you'll hear it. May our souls never be soured by bitterness.

and she took a bite of the fruit and it was...
sweet!

missed it by that much...

Can I just say...watching Get Smart is like the best therapy for an awful and exhausting day!

i have a mad crush on the ridiculous hilarious beady eyed maxwell smart. "And Loving it!"

Sunday Thought...

"Without a vision for your life, without a sense of purpose, you will begin to die a slow death...it is hope that keeps us alive. Hope is the fuel through which we create the future." ~Erwin McManus

Sundays are always thoughtful days. They are slower days where one can take the time to reflect, enjoy deep dialouge with good friends and family, go to church, read a book, bask in the quiet evenings, and rejuvanate and prepare for the new week ahead.

I don't know where I would be, or anyone for that matter without hope for the future. Hope is fuel. Hope fuels our plans, visions, and expectations for the future. i have found that expectation and anticipation are by far the greatest experiences of being human. While some may deem that a depressing thought, I find it to be quite encouraging. Without hope, expectation, and anticipation, I would find nothing good about the future. However, it is with expectation and anticipation that I eagerly await a hope filled future. Even if more trials befall me throughout this year, and the rest of my life for that matter, which of course is inevitable, life is still worth a great deal when we are holding onto hope.

Summer in February

most of the time i love living in Southern California. i mean we've got the best weather, they say. being a lifer here i can notice when the small subtle changes of the seasons. everyone loves our constant summer, and while summer is glorious, i love all the shades and seasons southern california offers. you just have to look real close. i adore the shorter days when fall shows its colors around late October, and come december a few bare trees reflect signs of winter. some 40 degree nights call for a heater and a cup of hot tea in early january, and then the flowers bloom, and the pool warms up, and spring arrives bringing me to my knees with its quiet beauty.

but today is different. it doesn't abide by the season's rules. the middle stretch of the shortest month of they year has been unseasonably warm, even for us. summer has crept in early, and greets us warmly on this clear blue february day.

it certainly won't last, and i am thankful for that, but for today it romances all my senses as i bask in the glory of my early summer, and head out to the beach to dab my toes in the beautiful pacific.

Welcome 2008! It's a Pleasure to meet you!

so long 2007, i am relieved to say goodbye. 2007 was at large miserable company, as was i. i am beginning to figure out my place 2008. i greet you with great expectation and hope. understanding that life is messy, but looking forward to the grand adventure that lies ahead.

welcome 2008, it's a pleasure to meet you.