Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places. Post #1

I forgot how hefty this material was. It truly is a book that needs to be tackled little by little to truly draw any meaningful insight from it. I found myself underlining much more than I had the first time I read it through. That's why I think it is so cool to reinvest in books you have already read, to see what else you can gain from it. Granted I never finished this book the first time around, and it definitely isn't one I can pick up where I left off. :)

The Introduction.

The point of this, and the whole book to come, is for Petersen to ensure the reader understands what exactly spiritual theology is. I don't think I got it the first time around, which is pretty lame, as it seems so straight forward to me now. Spiritual theology is (i like this summation the best, though he offers a few) the attention that we give to keeping what we think about God in organic connection with the way we live with God.

Truthfully, this tends to be a struggle for me, and I believe the Christian community as a whole. We tend to get really dogmatic, and we become knowledge lovers...or we abandon all that dogma and truth, and seek out what makes us feel good. Now it is about bridging the gap. I want to incorporate the truth, the attention we give to knowing God, with the effort to living it out in everyday life. Therefore, I want to live what I know and believe about God.

Oh how different my life would look. I tend to live more with a lack of faith in others and myself. I tend to live more like God is not intimately involved with His creation, regardless if I see it or not. Often times I forget God is emphatically personal, and that God is only and exclusively God in relationship. I think this is a hard one to grasp because our relationships here on earth can falter and fail so much. So I tend to wonder how I can grow and build in this relationship with God. I too often attribute Him with human characteristics that are an insult to a loving and merciful God, so beyond our petty human ways.

Petersen writes, "God is vast and various, working visibly and invisibly. Left to ourselves we often get lost in blind alleys, get tangled up in thickets, and don't have a clue where we are. The map (Trinity Country) locates us: it provides the vocabulary and identifies the experience by which we can explore God when there are no signs pointing to him, when there are no neatly lettered labels defining the odd shape or feeling that is in front of our eyes."

This quote simply reminds me that I often look in the wrong places for that guidance and direction, which is silly, because a map is pretty straight forward. I wouldn't fully trust anything or anyone else more than a map to guide me on a trip, so why would I look elsewhere in my journey with God?

I am really enthusiastic about diving into all of this...and see how it all melds together and how everything relates, as Christ as the key figure behind and in it all.

solitude.

how does one exist inside a couple? i wonder. i've never really ventured this path before, at least in a healthy, giving sort of way. and every time it comes up with any sense of realness, which is rare, i tend to freak out. i am very used to this life of solitude, and frankly, quite like it. but i'm not exactly sure what it is i like about it. i fear it is the comfort that i like. it doesn't involve any risks. there is no real potential for pain. there can be a pain in solitude, but it is a pain i am now well acquainted with, and therefore, i know i can handle it. i am frightened to hurt someone or worse be hurt. i am afraid i won't always feel the same way. how can one trust love and affection to continually grow? though i suppose i've seen that happen in other relationships. i am just so confused about all of it. i want to embrace this idea of love, and offering oneself wholly to another, but how do you know when is the right time...who is the right person? how much of yourself do you offer and how quickly? who sets this measure? i appreciate honesty, but am terrified of it at the same time. i want to be relieved from this pressure and yet i long for it to exist. i don't know what else to say. but i stand here confused and scared, and feeling much like a contradiction. and its not necessarily a bad thing. it's a different sort of thing. i feel willing to embrace something different. i suppose if you're scared and you do it, it may be more worthwhile? or am i just kidding myself?