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when i was nine years old my favorite thing to do was go out and about and play by myself.

not much has changed.

i used to create imaginary worlds, whether on paper, or simply in my head.  i had all these fantastical ideas of the characters and special places of my very own imagined world.  i would lay in the front yard, under a tree affectionately named "roggy", and dream.  there are so many things i would dream about...who and what i would be when i grew up,  i would imagine a variety of alternate lives i could be living in.

a young maiden living in a castle.
a rough around the edges tomboy growing up on a farm in the south.
life as a royal in a small european country.
or maybe i was an animal...
or what if i didn't exist at all...

these were the places my nine year old mind took me.  wherever it was i always felt a little more alive in my imagination than i did in reality.

the funny thing is, nothing was particularly sad, dull, or unhappy about the world i was living in, i just seemed to enjoy and bask in the alone time rather than actual real life time.

i did enjoy my actual friends and my daily life.  i had many friends in fact, who liked to do the things i liked to do too.  we'd spend days going on bike rides, swimming in the neighborhood pool, climbing trees, kicking around a soccer ball, roller blading, and reading archie comics while nursing push pops.  those friends and good times existed and yet still more often than not i usually found that the alone time of imaginary escape brought the greatest joys.

i think that alone time was necessitated by an overactive imagination that needed its daily space to run free and wild.  while more often than not i imagined happy lives and love and joy and wonder.  sometimes i would imagine death and destruction.  not death and destruction that i was instigating, but rather death and destruction that came about by some completely unnatural causes...perhaps that was the small amount of science-fiction influence in my life.

now, at twenty-nine, i find my favorite time is sitting down, putting pen to page, and entering into that imaginary world of characters and places and creating life with them.

this year, 2014, is decidedly my year to write.  it is my year to invest my heart and my life into this passion of mine.  as i really began to unfold and press out this dream in november, i found the story.  amongst vignettes and scribblings it began to piece itself together almost in its own power as if i had no influence on the words whatsoever.  i was just the fingers touching the keys and the hand holding the pen.

with the dedication to daily writing, i excitedly and wholeheartedly pursue this story.

if nothing else, dream big.

 five days into the new year and the only resolution that really resonates in my heart has to do with dreams and dreaming big.  dreaming is a core value of mine.  every first sunday of the year at church, our pastor speaks of core values.  what drives us?  where is our focus? as a church community, then as individuals what will we accomplish this year?  our accomplishments stem from the roots of our values.  as a church our core values are God, Love, and Grace.  As an individual my values are the same, but I would also add in dreams to that mix.  dreams are what sustain me (and us, i think).  dreams are what keep me pressing on.  dreams can be difficult to hold onto as we get older and i think one of my biggest fears is losing my dreams.  i fear letting go of that which i hoped for most in my life. 

some say the young are foolish, but i believe our youth offers us the greatest of dreams.  when we are young we believe anything and everything is possible.  i don't ever want to lose that idea of possibility no matter how difficult or negative the world around me is.  just because life hasn't unfolded as i thought it would, should not and will not deter the dreams deep inside my heart.  that was the reason for this whole blog....my desire to chronicle my dreams becoming reality.

only God knows the dreams that will unfold in 2014.  maybe it is only the beginning, a little spurt of growth in one dream, or maybe this year will see the birth of a new dream, and the fruition of another.  all i know is, these dreams of mine, those i share, those that stay hidden in my heart, and those that i don't even know yet, are really His.  what He gives me and what He takes away.  all i can do is pursue them wholeheartedly.  and that's what i will do.  this year i am giving my whole heart to my dreams....to God...to love...and to grace.  i will invest my life and heart in that which is eternal, in that which shares His love and grace with the rest of the world. i will keep asking, i will keep knocking, i will keep praying, i will keep trusting, i will keep pressing on and i will keep dreaming.

hello 2014.

as pensive as i am feeling, i am finding it difficult to give 2013 a proper send off.  after all, it has been a fairly decent year.  i am not one to complain much and honestly feel really too blessed to put anything but positivity on the year that was.  however, i cannot seem to think of one really blessedly wonderful thing that was birthed in 2013.  and i guess the sorrow with that is that it seems to have been a banner year for many.  i've watched all around me, especially as of late, friends and others experience really incredible life altering wonders.  new homes, better jobs, glorious travels, engagements, marriages, babies on the way, and all those big life things.

and then there is me.  nothing big and life changing to report.  and i suppose there will be many years like that in my life.  good years and then not the best of years, happy life-changing years, and some blessed years with no big life altering events.  i am okay with that quiet sort of life.  i cherish simple days with the regular to do's in a blessed awareness of all that is good, lovely, and inspiring.  in fact what i will remember most gloriously of 2013 were those simple quiet days in which i was just aware and content enough to enjoy life for what it was...sunshine, delicious coffee, loved ones, a memorable book, a happy puppy, a learning moment, a dream...life-giving moments of wonder, hope and joy.

i look forward to more of those days in 2014.  more good, more quiet, more joy, more hope, more wonder, more attentiveness, more.  time passes all too quickly.  mostly, i don't want to miss the moments.  i want to be paying attention as much as i can.  i want to be open.  maybe 2014 has something big for me.