on fret and fear//the waste of worry

i am a worrier.  to the core.  i make every fleeting human attempt not to and then it only gets worse.  worry is born out of fear.  every fear births a new worry.  what if there is a disaster, what if this is cancer, what if a loved one dies, what if i lose my job, what if, what if, what if???  the list of what ifs can truly be endless if i give it much of my thought time.

i have a vivid memory of eleven year old me.  the event was 5th grade graduation.  my first official graduation since preschool.  i was sooo excited.  i felt so important.  my parents and many other friends and family had gathered together to congratulate us, the 5th grade class of vista grande elementary.  the future class of 2002.  about 90 of us eleven year old's walked in a coordinated line into the multipurpose room to pomp and circumstance.  we had rehearsed this walk several times the day before.  we each had an assigned seat where we were supposed to sit for the ceremony to go off without a hitch.  however, because of two students missing from the ceremony that day, my partner in the alphabet, ricky lopez led me to the incorrect seat.  we sat down and he was all smiles.  while i was all panic.  we were in the wrong seats!!! everything was surely ruined.  i leaned over to him and whispered, "we're in the wrong seats.  what do we do???"  he shooed me off.  "no we're not." he said cooly, meanwhile he waved to his family and friends there to celebrate him.  i couldn't even think of trying to find my parents in the crowd.  i had to fix this disaster.  i pressed him again, "we're going to mess everything up."  he told me it didn't matter.  he told me it was fine.  but it wasn't.  it did matter. inside i was a well of worry.  and it showed.  my dad has the videotape to prove it.  i frantically looked around the room hoping some adult would come save me and ricky from this dreadful error.  for the first fifteen minutes of the ceremony  i was fidgety and frantic. i kept eyeing the empty seats we were supposed to be in.  i was full of fear.  i kept placing my hands on my face (think macaulay culkin in home alone, minus the scream)  i could not calm down.  i was certain imminent trouble was on the way.  either i was to be scolded by the teacher, or the whole graduation ceremony was ruined.  there was no in-between to my fret and fear.  i was certain this was the worst thing to happen.

well, as you can imagine, nothing was ruined.  after we sang our 5th grade song, one of the teachers who had caught wind of our mistake, graciously showed me and ricky to our appropriate assigned seats so as not to mess up the calling of our names.  much to my relief, i thanked her repeatedly.  after a few more minutes i finally calmed down and was able to somewhat enjoy the rest of this marker of my childhood.

i wish i could go back now and tell 11 year old me to just breathe.  i would assure her that there are many problems in life ahead that will be much worse than this, that don't call for as much panic and concern i was giving sitting in the wrong seat.  i would tell her it really would all be okay and that there really was nothing to worry about.  i would remind her that adults were looking out for her, and that this small error in no way lessened her value as a person (still working on this one at 30).

worry and fear are just so darn pervasive and all encompassing.  and unfortunately it can take over just like that.  i always think of the old adage...give it an inch, and it'll take a mile.  it rings so true, at least for me.  give worry, fret and fear, even a centimeter and it'll take a million miles.  honestly, sometimes i get so overwhelmed.  i often find myself having to play connect the dots to even begin to get to the root of the worry.

i'd like to say i've come along way since this fateful day of my little life.  but i found myself in a similar pickle this week.  watch ten minutes of news, look at the crisis in the middle east, note the persecution in iraq, watch the lack of wisdom in our world leaders, then look at my own life...bodily ailments, a stolen wallet, financial strain, friends in crises, family in crises, and i just panic.  i freak out.  and i keep it all in.  it expels itself in little ways, (think catherine o'hara in home alone, any airport scene).  but it mostly remains bottled up as i strive to establish my own control over its pervasive threats.  but no matter how rational and realistic i try to be, at its best, it remains for a few moments and then it is gone just as quickly.

what it all boils down to is this: fret, fear, and worry, albeit authentic and sometimes validated emotions, they really have no place in my walk with the Lord.

if i truly live through the light of His Word, through the lens of Scripture, worry begins to look different.

i looked at the sermon on the mount this morning, thanks to the prompting of some dear women who love the Lord, and i was truly humbled by the truths in this special message from Jesus to us.

 

Jesus on worry...

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[e]? ²⁸“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Jesus on those wonderful beattitudes

He said:

³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

¹¹ “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

 

Jesus on flavor and shining bright...

¹³ “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
¹⁴ “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. ¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

 

Jesus on the fulfillment of the law

¹⁷ “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. ¹⁸ For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished. ¹⁹ Therefore anyone who sets aside one of the least of these commands and teaches others accordingly will be called least in the kingdom of heaven, but whoever practices and teaches these commands will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. ²⁰ For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.


what is wasted on worry is not wasted on prayer and trust and faith in God.  He has shown Himself faithful....what can worry and fret and fear do for me?  nothing, absolutely nothing.  what can prayer and trust and faith do for me?  everything, absolutely everything.