"and then the dreams break into a million tiny pieces. the dream dies. which leaves you with a choice: you can settle for reality, or you can go off, like a fool, and dream another dream." | nora ephron
he exists.
i believe with all of my heart he does.
i never wanted to be someone who just waits. so i decided to live with purpose, to build a life of my own and to be okay with wherever the path of solitude lead me.
and so i've arrived on this day. and my heart is hurting and longing and feeling unexpected feelings. they are feelings i didn't know resided deep within my heart.
it was a look, a touch, an asking that caused the bubbling up and then the overflow.
i could not stop it even if i wanted to.
i won't lie anymore. i won't say that i am okay when i am clearly not. i am not okay. one pinch, a slight tearing and i am a mess again.
and while that is my truth today, the bigger truth is that i will be okay. and my worst "what if?" still equates to, in the end, being okay.
i will hold on hope.
i will find strength in pain.
i will be okay.
and that is a truth i can speak with a no matter what tacked on to it.
His desire, His intent is for my good and i am trusting in that even when it hurts.
