a deep aching.

do you ever slow down enough to feel it?  that pull, or maybe it's a tug, or sometimes even a kick in the chest.

do you feel it?  or is it just me?

that deep ache.

it's there.  underneath the distractions, the fast paced lifestyles, the supression, the busy demands, it's under all of that.


it's an answerable ache.

but sometimes i don't know what the answer is, or where to find it, or how to get it, and then live it.

i wish i could explain it better.  i wish i had the words that breathed life into it.  but they're not here.  i thought they might come if i sat down and tried to write about it.

i used to think there was a worldly answer for the deep ache.  perhaps a degree, a job, a companion, but in truth, i realize moreover everyday that none of those are answers.

i suppose the answer doesn't need words.  there is something to the honesty of simply admitting the ache is there.  as well as the admission of the fact that i've tired of trying to distract myself from it with a fast paced life, or burying it with busy demands.  though it cannot remain buried underneath for long.

it is recognizing that it needs His touch.  His healing.  His guidance.  His love.  His peace.  His comfort.  His hope.  His forgiveness.  His answer.

and for me, that isn't a one time thing.  it's an everyday thing.  it's a moment by moment thing.

its the confrontation and the journey through it that scares me.  the honesty it requires.  the fearful admissions it demands.  the wonderful frightening unknown it brings with it.

to think i'll be okay on my own, handling it myself for even an hour proves me wrong every time.

i need Him.

the One who'll never leave me.

nor forsake me.

Hope is coming for me and for you.