24 January 2010

emerald city.

i want an emerald. they're beautiful. it's what i want for my wedding ring. diamonds are boring, emeralds pop! it's just a bright symbol of hope and beauty to me. i can't really explain it more. i just love emeralds.

well, i guess if i had to explain the story behind the emerald love, i'd say it is three-fold.
it goes back to the wizard of oz and emerald city. we all know emerald city is the fictional place located in the center of the land of Oz, at the end of the famous yellow brick road. it just makes me associate emeralds with hope.
then emerald city is the nickname of the city i dream to live in someday. (seattle) where it feels like my heart always was meant to be.
and then the emerald being my birthstone...i don't know it's just something that has meaning to me.
and again emeralds are just beautiful :)

23 January 2010

enjoyment...

wanting to see this movie...


can't wait to hear their new album...


enjoying reading this book...


loving this view out my window and some momentary sunshine...

18 January 2010

the weekend that was.

"In the beginning of our spiritual life we ought to be faithful in doing our duty and denying ourselves; but after that, unspeakable pleasures followed. That in difficulties we need only have recourse to Jesus Christ and beg His grace, with that everything became easy."~Brother Lawrence



this weekend i had to shut off. i just had to move through the moments without any sort of feeling attached to them, unless i was to dissolve to tears, or lash out in anger. sometimes i think i have all my shit together, and i am always sadly mistaken. oh such a fool i can be. it is always once i resolve to move forward bravely and do the things i know i need to be doing, it is in that resolve that i always tend to crumble. it is then that the lies seep in, the critics have their say, the enemies beat you down, and then you're just you lying on the floor, weakened and defeated.



but it is when you are down, out for the count, completely humiliated, that the light begins to seep in again. if i turn my thoughts towards Him, away from me, away from them, away from this, i remember grace. i remember love. i remember forgiveness. it is so hard to live in moment by moment. it is so easy to just fade into the bleakness of life. to move through the motions, through the monotony, forcing yourself to look up, to touch, to do.

brother lawrence got something i have yet to grasp. i read his wisdom again and again and i am perplexed, inspired, challenged, and discouraged. he just seemed to do it. he got it and he did it. he met life with grace and ease because he faced it with God.

I want to get there.

14 January 2010

extra bold like a sumatran tiger.



so after much pondering i think i've finally narrowed down this top ten list for 2010

it is a joyful thing, which seems a bit heartbreaking when i consider the state of the lives of those another world away, suffering one of the most heartbreaking devestations one can face. but that is a dichotomy we often face, isn't it? births and deaths, loves and losses...

we never know what tragedy or wonder may befall us. i walk into this new year with a sobered faith. sometimes the end seems so close...the way in which our world is transforming, on a global level, on a national level, on a personal level, really makes you realize...time is short. tragedies like haiti make you realize...life is short, just a mere blip on the radar that can leave us as easily as it came to us.

As these things weigh on my heart, i am too reminded of our gracious God. though His ways i do not always understand, i know that my understanding is no reflection of their wisdom.

so in humility, creativity, hope, joy, and fear i dream of and pray for these top ten longings and desires for 2010.

1)to serve others.
2)to cultivate community.
3)to live a balanced life.
4)to incorporate thoughtful relflection into every day.
5)to read everyday: something spiritual, something thoughtful, something informative.
6)to nurture the natural.
7)to save money/to tithe regularly.
8)to write daily.
9)to paint daily.
10)Be Bold! (embracing discomfort, fighting through fear, dreaming big, and following through in action!)

08 January 2010

meaning?

"Love has a reason, there's a meaning to the world."

how do you know your life means something?

if no one else stands witness to your life what does it matter?

why do the only really meaningful significant things in life seem to be relationally oriented? (that is, getting married and becoming parents.)

what if you never get to experience these things?

is life meaningless?

07 January 2010

top ten.

so i am still pondering my top ten for 2010. but how stoked was i to pick up shape magazine and read the "mandy moore's 10 big changes you can make in 2010." i loved her goals/resolutions of sorts for this year. i find that some of mine will fall in line with hers.

specifically i liked her workout goals. she is tall like me...so her workout focuses on strengthening her back and shoulders through pilates to improve bad posture. i need that too ;) she has great tips like frequenting farmer's markets on sunday mornings for fresh vegetables and fruits, growing her own garden, cooking at home, and adding versitality to her workouts!

check out a bit of the article here:
http://www.shape.com/lifestyle/mandy_moore

06 January 2010

cultivating compassion//practicing colossians 3:12 (part I)

"Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion , kindness, humility, gentleness and pati...