it was years ago that my spiritual director began talking with me about living a both/and kind of life. it was, at the time, such a foreign and incomprehensible thought. to live and to hold two seemingly contradictory truths felt like it went against every fiber of my being. my 24 year old self still did not seem to understand that life can be both happy and sad and that those two realities, how opposing they may seem can actually bring one into deeper more heartfelt living.
since then i have learned that things don't always need to be an either/or experience. it doesn't have to be all bad or all good. memories fade and can be colored differently then they were actually lived out in the present moment. regardless more than likely from every experience endured or enjoyed has both positive and negative elements, and that's okay. it feels so simplistic now to say and write. but the battle to come into that comprehension was hard fought.
yesterday i went to see inside out. my expectation for this children's film was small, but its content circled around my heart and mind for the rest of the day. i like to think there is joy and sadness working inside all of us for our good. it really was such a beautiful depiction of how i think God has truly designed us. we are meant to experience varying degrees of emotions and our experiences all affect us differently. some of us are more inclined to anger and disgust, while others of us have a stronger pull towards joy or sadness. whatever the case may be it is all part of this internal design we were born with. and how we cope is part of that design. it is intricate and most of the time it seems to reach far beyond our limited human understanding.
sometimes we can be damaged greatly. sometimes our pains never really heal properly. they are left to be cut again and damaged further. but I think in God's perfect creation and design we are never wounded beyond repair, in spite of all the baggage that we carry, there is still redemption and healing in our stories if we are alive and walking.
and you know what, amidst tears or laughter, heartache or joy, it is pretty damn beautiful.
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4 comments:
toward which emotions do you have a tendency? :)
oh heck, that's hard as i seem to vacillate depending on the time of the month ;)...but mostly on any given day i linger between being ruled by a tame sort of joy or a moderate melancholy.
you?!
hmm, after refreshing my memory with a couple of clips, i think the emotion i feel most strongly is determination. while i'm not quite sure if this counts as a feeling (hehe, still learning these things), i think it is fueled by much anticipation and excitement, fear, and sadness (in that order). But it always results in a varying degree of joy along with some other emotions.
p.s. i like your new streamlined layout for the blog. :)
and thank you for your response! i always enjoy understanding tidbits of your complex "headquarters" and would love to talk to you about your "core memories" if that's okay.
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