someday//part 3.

part 1 can be found here :)

you know what i find funny...the fact that before all my friends found their significant others, they never gave much care or thought to my search for a "special someone." (their words, not mine.)  but now, almost anytime I connect with these now married friends, they always want to know how the man hunt is going.  they always expect some new dish on the dating pool.  i find this to be a bit insulting.  though, i do not take it seriously enough to actually be offended.  but it seems, i am at that point in life when the expectation is, that he should be coming, right around the corner, any day now, and he'll suddenly appear when I, wait for it...least expect it.

the hard part about this wait after everything i've been through is that i am not sure exactly what i am looking for.  i used to know.  am i even supposed to know? but i did know.  and now it is so unclear to me, i don't know if i'd know it when i see it.

tonight i had dinner with a lovely fellow.  kind and funny.  he shared a lot of himself with me, and i too felt safe to share parts of me with him.  and yet, here i am, home...feeling...nothing.  no after date excitement, no i hope he calls me tomorrow, or even texts me later tonight.  i just don't care.  and i don't know why.  i feel like i should care.  shouldn't i?

will i care when it's you?
will i know when it's you?
will i let you slip through my fingers?

what if i miss you?

there are far too many what if's to worry over.  there are too many damning thoughts in my head right now that tell me things i know are not true.  and yet i am listening attentively.

and to you, dear sweet man who is looking for her, take heart.  keep doing what you're doing.  it's right and it's good.  we have to keep hope for someday.