chugging along...

i really like walking outside at night. i like it enough that i would actually refrain from making plans with someone just so i could have my evening open to walk around outside alone. i do this for the purpose of finding peace, for the purpose of clearing my head.  it gives me the quiet alone space to really think about things.  outside at night i feel loved, truly loved.  and in this quiet alone space, i enjoy Him. i stare at the moon, i admire the stars, and i breathe in the soft and silvery darkness.

i hate brushing my hair.  i never do it.  when my hair is silky, soft, and straight, well,  i just don't feel like myself.  a messy pony tail, a loose braid, a tangled side swept mess, or a knot on the top of my head suits me best.

i feel the most comfortable in my car. driving along in guaranteed solitude is my sanctuary.  i can listen to whatever i want, or i can relish the silence.  i don't have to answer my phone and i don't care who's looking.   i will sing my heart out, pick my nose, have a messy cry, or just pray out loud.  it's the only place i can do all these things...freely.

i much more like to watch shows and read magazines about funny, curvy, happy girls, rather than thin beautiful ones.  that isn't to say that one cannot be defined by all of those things, but truly, i'd much rather see and enjoy the genuine, authentic happiness than conform to what "they" say will make you happiest.

there's nothing more perfect than january sun.  these 70 degree, crisp clear days, make me long for an always summer kind of life.

i still love to wear dresses with jeans.  being freakishly tall, makes most dresses far too short for just regular wear.  so dresses and jeans are just the best combination.  i still feel so feminine when i pair the two.  a soft pink dress with dark wash skinny jeans and sparkly flats, it is just so me.  on that note, anything that sparkles is a winner.  i'm just that kind of girl.

hummus and pita is by far the greatest food.  i could eat it everyday and feel full and happy.

ryan gosling movies are just sooo good.  if the same movie existed with any other actor but him, i would not think it the same, but since it's him, i can say, they are just sooo good.

baking is my forte.  when i'm covered in flour, and the house is filled with fresh warm oven smell, i feel i'm at my best.

if i'm known for being a sweet and kind person, i am okay with that.  smarts and beauty are overrated.

i'm on a mission to find balance in life. i don't want work to dominate my life.  i don't want passion and ambition to cause me to neglect relationships.  i am emotional, and i cry more days than i don't.  i am soft, and i like to make other people happy, so i will bend and sway to meet their needs.  sometimes i feel like i just need to sit this one out, to regain composure, to maintain fire, or to just feel like i still want to be here, and i still want to do this. so i will. i'll sit it out, and it'll be okay.  sometimes i have to be harsh and firm, to make a point, to gain respect, and i'm finding that's okay too.  i am who i am.  i can and will change.  so will you.  i won't always like my hair messy.  nor will i be a fan of every single ryan gosling movie to come.  i will always be freakishly tall, and i will never stop thinking hummus and pita are the best foods.  some of these things are the core of who i am, while other parts will change and fade away.

i am who i am.  but i'm still figuring things out.

i will keep chugging along.