gumption//word of 2015

how gumption came to me was rather coincidental.  i was looking for a word like gumption, but at first i didn't like the way it sounded.  words, they must sound good, no? especially when that is a word you are counting on to define and guide a whole year of your life.  gumption to me, at first sound, seemed sort of a dumb, odd choice.  it's not a word that rolls off the tongue with ease. nor is it pretty.  it doesn't bring to mind a beautiful image.  nevertheless, i have no doubt that it is my word, rather my theme for 2015.

gumption demonstrates a certain strength and tenacity just in how it sounds.  it is the word that best defines my efforts, desires and dreams for 2015.

a few days before Christmas, as is tradition, i watched the holiday while wrapping gifts.   and surprisingly, unlike any previous viewing this scene stood out to me:

iris has always been the more relatable character for me, of the two leading ladies (something about those kate winslet kind of girls).

this time around i really saw this scene as the most important part of the movie, in my humble opinion.  more than seeing her fall in love, more than seeing any other character's kind of happily ever after, you just want to see her stick up for herself and tell jasper where to stick it.

and she does.
beautifully.

and you see, this is what i want in many sorts of ways.  the gumption (spunk, spirited initiative, courage, cleverness, nerve, sass...) to stand up, to speak up, to shut up, to write it down, to share it, to pray it, to believe it, to fight for it, to just finally say it.  to not let it go.  to not pretend it doesn't bother me.  to not say no when i really mean yes and vice versa.

gumption lived out is strong.  gumption lived out looks tenacious and acts boldly.  gumption to me, bridges the gap to 2014 because it in many ways also conveys my wholehearted approach to life and all that i do.  i believe gumption is feminine and i believe gumption is God-given. 

i don't characterize my goals and drive for 2015 to be wholly gumptious. i know i can't be and won't always be.  there will be situations that call for it and i will not step up.  maybe because i am afraid, or i am tired, or maybe at that point in time, i just won't care.  and my false self will say i failed and i am no good...but hopefully, i will realize this is not true.  i will instead pray and i will remind myself, that this here, this year i have been given, this word in my heart is to remind me to try.  it is to encourage me to be more and to say what wants and needs to be said.

gumption, i believe, is what God is calling me to be and live in such a way.  it is the word inscribed in my heart as it is in its current state.  prior to this, about midway through 2014, brave was the word that rested heavy on my heart.  to be brave. however, i questioned it often.  because brave to me is rather vague or at the very least an overused term that seems to lose its meaning as a result of misuse.  if anything, i think gumption is a component of bravery.  it is not bravery, but rather a piece that i need/long to learn to live out.  i believe gumption is the vocal piece of bravery.  and one thing i can say with certainty is that i don't think i'm to be quiet anymore.  it's time to speak...write...and respond.

so,  2015, 4 days in...
let's pray, and let's take small steps, and some bigger leaps and let's be gumptious.