thanksgiving//what i now know.

"I do therefore invite my fellow citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next, as a day of Thanksgiving and Praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the Heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings, they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans, mourners or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty Hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it as soon as may be consistent with the Divine purposes to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity and Union." ~Abraham Lincoln (October 3, 1863)

there are many things i tell myself are true about me.  but the truth is, most of those things, just aren't true.  they tend to be things i tell myself to excuse myself from doing things i don't want to do, they are things i tell myself to comfort me in poor choices, and then there are those things i tell myself that are just plain hurtful.  things i would never say to another.  but i believe these hurtful things as if they are truth.  i am learning (painfully slowly) to focus only on the things that are unchangeably true about me.  for example, i am a female.  i am an adult.  i am tall.  i have dark hair and dark eyes.  i am an introvert.  i am a citizen of the united states of america.  i am a christian.  and with that last truth comes a myriad of truths about myself that are not from me, but from God.  God who made me female, with dark eyes, and dark hair.  God who gave me great height and an introverted personality.  God who designed me to be born a citizen of the US.  God tells me I am His child.  In Him I have all these things: He chose us(me and you) in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.  In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence, having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself, that in the dispensation of the fullness of the times He might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven and which are on earth—in Him. In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory.  In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, to the praise of His glory. (Ephesians 1)

when i consider what i now know, i cannot help but be thankful, truly thankful for so many things.  thankful for who God is, and His Son Jesus, and His precious Holy Spirit.  i am thankful, i am known by Him.  i am thankful that i can live my life to know Him more.  i am thankful for His truth in His Word.  year after year, even day after day, these truths seep into a deeper place in my soul and heart.  i am thankful that i am a citizen of the united states of america.  even though our country seems to be headed into an immoral and wayward direction, i am thankful for the history of our nation, the role our country has played globally, the leaders who have led us, the military who fights for and protects us, the flag and what it means for us, the freedom, the fact that we still have some value in our nation that says, "in God we trust."  i am thankful for who i am and how God has made me.  i am thankful for maturity and getting older. i am thankful for learning and understanding.  i am thankful for new knowledge.  i am thankful for a pensive nature and a calm spirit.

i am thankful for what my life contains: healthy family, good friends, a sweet and adorable puppy, a teaching job(doing something i love), opportunity, hope and a future, peace, faith, love, joy, creativity, inspiration, and determination.  i am not wavering on that line of hopelessness and hope anymore.  i live in hope, and hope produces so much in one's life.  for that i am truly thankful.

what i now know (at 28) i am sure is so small in comparison to what i will know at 29, then 30, to 50, to eternity.  i will know more than i now know.  that is inevitable.  and i am thankful for that opportunity: to grow in knowledge.

sometimes i feel so small, and even my gratitude feels so limited by my knowledge and the limitations of how much my brain can remember or think about at any given moment.  there is so much i am sure that i have not even considered that i owe God my gratitude for.  so my eyes and heart turn to what i do not know.  those who are hurting that i do not know, those that are hurting that i do know(but don't really know), those who are fighting, those who are mourning, those who are hopeless, those who are faithless, i can only ponder them and pray.  God knows.  on a day of gratitude, we all have something to truly be grateful for.  however, for some it is much harder to focus on those things when a huge loss can't be ignored, or a heavy fear weighs down so oppressively. i can still do something in my limited nature.  i can pray.  i can pray for eyes to see and hands and a heart to help when i can.  and for that desire, and that reminder, and that ability, i am thankful.