becoming.

setbacks can disappoint and deter us. however, they can also reignite determination, if we let it. and that's what i have choose to do with the setbacks that have befallen me. i can feel the disappointment deep in my veins, resonating in my heart of hearts. the letdown, the being left alone, the not being chosen hurts and discourages me, but it does not destroy me. it does not determine what my future will look like, or how i must feel. my past mistakes and circumstances are no indicator for what will happen, though i have often let them be. today that changes. we must not only expect and settle for history to repeat itself. we can hope for more, strive for something greater, and have the courage to make new things happen. the gift of the present is always with us. each new moment offers the birth of something new. and i am determined to graciously accept the new moments as a gift of possibility offered to me with love. can i take a revolutionary stance on my life and say i what i want? i want to be a writer. i want to not just say that i write and barely do it. i really want to invest my heart and soul in it. i want a life partner. someone to love, and to be loved. i want to know what it is when everyone talks about their greatest accomplishments in life, and looks to the family that they've made. can i finally say that i want these things even though the fear that i may never have them pervades every part of myself? can i stop believing that these are things i don't deserve? i look at the lives of other people and get overwhelmed with what i may be lacking. but what if i looked at my purpose in life as one in which i bless others? what if my daily do's were about how i can serve and love on others instead of how can i find my own happiness apart from other people and really going after my greatest dream? something needs to change. i am not sure exactly what, or how, or when...but today i am beginning to see things differently. i begin today, to go about how i do life, my perspective on things, a little differently. my journey begins, again. i will become who i am meant to be. i may not know exactly what i want to do, but i know the kind of woman i want to be.