grateful...

interestingly enough, in looking for things i am truly grateful for over the thanksgiving holiday, i was surprised by what i discovered as i journaled in gratitude to the Lord.
here is what my thankful list came out as:
i'm thankful for...
life lessons that come in many different shapes and forms,
the knowledge and skills i have been blessed to acquire and grow,
the blessings of health and a loving family. though too i am grateful for family that i am consistently challenged to love.
the blessings of friends.
the beauty of creation. the moon in the night sky. the stars. birds and trees.
for laughter.
for wealth. never wondering where i will get my next...
the ability to go outside and move everyday.
the gentle and strong reminders that everyone is different.
for sadness...& for a pensive spirit, for this I am thankful, because this is what draws me to my loving Father's arms. this is what brings calm and inspiration. this is what promotes me to constantly lean on my All in All. This is what brings me to peace and frees me from fear and anxiety.

and I'm thankful for...

"We ought to give thanks for all fortune: it is good, because it is good, if bad, because it works in us patience, humility and the contempt of this world and the hope of our eternal country" --C.S. Lewis

there is truly so much to be thankful for. i was a little discouraged as i looked over previous posts, and reviewed the direction of my journal entries over the past couple of months, only to find that i have been quite the negative person. i in no way purpose to view life in a glass half empty sort of way, nor do i see myself as someone who dwells in the turmoil of life rather than the joys. i do however, stand convicted. my heart has been far from joy and gratitude. i cannot blame circumstances. circumstances don't determine my feelings and responses. i always have the ability to choose how i will respond/deal with what befalls me, or what i walk into.

thanksgiving reminds us to be grateful, to give thanks. i think we tend to get really general with our thanks, but this year i want to get really specific about it, so as not to gloss over anything. for the next 24 hours or so, with my journal close by, i'm gonna get specific about my gratitude. i think the results will shift those overall negative feelings that have seemed to encompass my thinking and living.

God, guide hearts to You this Thanksgiving. May we remember that we are, all we have that is good and wonderful, is from and of You! You deserve the gratitude and praise. May our hearts beat, may our bodies live, and our souls yearn to offer you praise and thanks!

I miss you...

God comfort those in grief, lost in loneliness and despair.

Giving Up

I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up

so sings ingrid, so says i.

lately i feel just overwhelmed. i want to crawl back into bed and hide under the covers. i never want to leave the house, i just want to be alone. sort out my thoughts...i feel like there are few places i can go and really feel ok. church feels safe...even work feels ok...there i can shut off and just be in work mode...but everywhere else? i just feel like giving up because its too hard. im giving up on something more. i'm too scared. i don't want to be scared. i wish i could be confident. i wish i could just run at full force and feel ok. i don't want to accept less than. less than...simply acceptance of the reality. what happened to dreaming?

I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up

keep me here

i am not certain of much. i am certain of this.
today is beautiful.
i am sitting in the center of my room on the hardwood floor.
the first offish day i've had in awhile.
mindy is singing softly in the background.
i find the fear and chaos that has gripped my heart lately, slowly slipping away from me.
i am breathing slowly and deeply.
i am feeling him draw me in once again.
where have i been?
why did i leave?
why is it so easy to slip away, slide into the silky black sea, only to get lost in panic when darkness envelops me.

i am emerging once again. gracious he draws me out and into him. here i sit breathing calmly again. don't let go...don't let go.

tears fall freely now. keep me here...keep me here




i need peace of mind and a hopeful heart to lose this rage and move out of the dark. i am looking for rainbows and shooting stars, i need peace of mind and a lullaby. there is an angry voice in my head tonight telling me to do things that can't be right. i need peace of mind and a lullaby. and a miracle for this broken soul. i need peace of mind and a gentle hand as i try to change the way i am and i hope God forgives me when i can't.

~thought for the day~

Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability. -Roy L. Smith

Where might discipline lead me today?

Practicing His Presence...

God has delighted my soul today. It is a lovely morning! Thinking of all the beauty I've encounted this week, takes me back to our morning in Julian last weekend.

This is the soul encouragement for the day, a few more words from Brother Lawrence!

That we ought not to be weary of doing little things for the love of God, who regards not the greatness of the work, but the love with which it is performed. That we should not wonder if, in the beginning, we often failed in our endeavors, but that at last we should gain a habit, which willnaturally produce its acts in us, without care, and to our exceeding great delight.