on friendship.

"Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger, and you seek him for peace."

-Kahlil Gibran

shared experiences tend to bring people together, so when differences abound can friendship remain and thrive?  i am a firm believer that most lasting and meaningful friendships are based on commonalities.  generally people need to be in a similar place in life, or at a similar level, to unite and furthermore, stay knit together. 

but it seems that while navigating the terrain of adult friendships the wondering that prevails is this: is it possible to maintain a closeness without some certain tangible commonality? while i'd like to think so, it seems harder and harder to come by the older i get.  i'd like to believe that community can be found amongst a vast array of others.  but it seems to be one of the more difficult things to come by.  

authentic community; it also seems that the older i get, it begins to feel more and more beyond reach. there even seems to be a growing disconnect amongst my once solid community of friends.  when i examine the root of the disconnect, one of the few things i can attribute it to is the shifts and changes that come with growing up and beginning new chapters in life, whether it is moving to a new city, getting married, or forming a family. 

not all friendships can endure these changes.  and some potential friendships hesitate to even open the door to a beginning because the differences feel too great.

i think these two things might be some of the most heartbreaking and disappointing parts of growing up, or maybe we chalk it up to facing the decline of human face to face interaction in our culture.  there is so much that is missed out on.

i am so thankful for friendsips that have grown and stretched through the changes of life.  i am thankful for friendships that haven't given up because it was hard. i am thankful for the ones that still share in meaningful conversations over meals, and that let days easily unfold into evenings, without being rushed or feeling forced to part ways, and the ones that fly across states and the country for that matter just to spend a weekend of celebration together, and relish in the hope of more "together" days to come. faithfulness...that is what i love in my friendships.

these sorts of friendships have learnt to fight against the many miles, look past the varied life experiences and the changing personalities that can sometimes threaten and tear at the threads of once close knit friendships.

the hardship of these friendships is that usually to weather the changes you have to let some of the good bits go that used to be there.  and hopefully they are not the really good bits, but you recognize that is part of maintaining some semblance of closeness.

the other side of the coin is as we try to fill in the gaps with new friends, sometimes we choose poorly.  or sometimes the options feel limited and disappointing. and sometimes we have to say good-bye and it's sad, and sometimes they burn out on their own.

it will never be as easy as it was.   when you're an adult, and school is behind you, you can't be friends just because you're in the same class or share in the same after school activities anymore.  the simplicity of such friendship is gone.  it's much more complicated than that.

i realized recently how deep my ache for this sort of friendship is in my day to day life.  i don't really have day to day friends anymore.  i have far away friends, i have once and twice a month friends, i have sunday friends, and tuesday evening friends, and hiking friends, and dog park pals, and neighbors, and i have the few and far between friends.

God designed us as relational, and even as an extreme introvert i long for human connection more often than i had ever realized.  when i was sitting in church by myself the other day, a kind gentleman walked up to me, and put his hand on my shoulder.  i turned and as we made eye contact, i immediately recognized the face as one i see playing guitar on stage, and he knew me as the girl in the coffee shop.  he asked me my name, and i knew his, and we shook hands.  i smiled because i was grateful for human connection.  i was thankful to put a name to a face and be noticed and known. and as he walked away, and i turned back to worship, i was overcome by emotion.  our pastor led us through this prayer and i felt such an authentic connection with Jesus in those moments.  knowing consciously He was there next to me with His hand on my shoulder.  that He was my community as well, and this unrest in my heart on friendship is leading me toward the fight for deeper community and connection.

we are all longing for that in some fashion.  we want to be noticed, seen, and known.  but we must fight for it.  we must try. we must not give up.  our culture is dehumanizing our interactions to 150 characters or less.  we have so much more to say, to feel, to share, and to see.

let's press on and fight for others and authentic relationships.  they are rare...whether for a season or a lifetime.  friendship is essential to a good life...to a God-centered life.

 "And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide, let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed."

-Kahlil Gibran