twenty-nine//aspirations and inspirations

29.

I am not a big birthday person.  I don't like a lot of undue attention, nor do I feel that the simple act of turning a year older requires special celebration.  It is nice to be noticed and appreciated by those that love you and are glad you are a part of their lives, but beyond that, there is no need to add on to what is just a regular day for most others.  What birthdays are to me, are a more reflective kind of day. Birthdays are an occasion for me to mark growth and progress.  It is an ideal time to reflect on the year before, and plan for the one ahead...much like new years, except this one is personal, just for me.

It's hard to believe I've been here twenty-nine years.  Twenty-nine years old beginning this morning at 8:16am.  I don't really have much of a thoughtful reflection on twenty-eight to offer up at this moment.  Perhaps that shall come later.  Like with any year of life, twenty eight held its good and bad.  Twenty-eight taught me patience and joy.  It seems to me, for the first time, I felt life with both of my hands.  I learned how to carry joy and sorrow and hope and disappointment together, rather than forcing one to win over the other.  

I am endlessly grateful that twenty-eight brought me a job that has really served to launch my career.  And finally, after years of praying, laying all my hopes out before the Lord, and enduring many heartaches...just a few moments before my age officially transforms into a new number, I learn that this job of mine, this passion, this ministry will soon unfold into something bigger and better.

Praise God.

When I look at twenty-nine, I see a year of building my career, and gaining solid footing as a teacher, and more importantly helping in developing a successful International program for our school.

Beyond my career, I am looking for twenty nine to be the year I really begin to participate in life.  Up until now, almost this very moment, it seems my adult life has always been defined by many roles.  It was always either two part time jobs, or part time jobs and school, school and internships, etc.  Now, finally, I just have the one job.

Having only one job to focus on, in some ways gives me the luxury of time.  Time to...

say "Yes."  Just say yes.

I've spent so many years saying "no."  "No, I have to study."  "No, I can't, I have to work."   "No I shouldn't, it's my first night off in two weeks, and..."  Can I finally say, "Yes!"?  Yes, I can.  "Yes, let's see that movie tonight."  "Yes, I can go to church tomorrow morning."  "Yes, lets get away for the weekend."  "Yes!"

I'm inspired.

I have a summer vacation.  I have nights and weekends off, and I am feeling inspired.  I have space in my life, to sit down and write.  I have time on my calendar, to paint and create.  I am feeling inspired.

Finding my place.

I can finally be that person who can attend church regularly.  I can join a book club, I can take a photography class, and spend Saturday mornings perusing bookshops.  I can date.  I mean, really date.  I can be open.

My friends and family are of utmost importance.  I want to invest more of myself into them.
I can cook dinners any night I want.  I want to cook and bake, and bless others as a result.
On a daily basis, I want to feel hydrated, well rested, balanced, stretched and loose.
I want my life to be more purposely devoted to pursuing God, His Love, and His Truth.

I don't want to be at odds with myself anymore.  For someone who is extremely self critical, this might be the most difficult aspiration for twenty-nine.  Oh, but what a celebration thirty would be if I could truly overcome these battles of words and wills I have with me.
 
I think one of the most important relationships we have are the ones we have with ourselves.  I want to consistently get better.  I want to maintain positivity no matter my circumstances.  I want to learn to love myself better, so that I can love others better as a result.

We keep stressing a certain scripture at school, as we try to instruct the entire body, in how to love one another better.  I'll be honest, I often forsake this verse when reading this passage of scripture.  I tend to gloss over it as one of those verses I've heard so many times, so I must get it by now.

"Jesus replied, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. ³⁰ And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’³¹ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these."

The second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.  So I guess to sum up, I want 29 to be the year, I learn to love God with all my heart, love myself better, and therefore, love others better.