making peace//striking a balance

i have spent a lot of my life not liking myself.  it's sort of heartbreaking when i really think about it.  and i had to really think about it when i had the opportunity to talk to a group of teenage girls about thinks like body image and relationships, etc.  i wasn't really sure if i had any wisdom to bring to the table.  frankly, girls that are 14-18 now are living in a very different world than i did at that age.  however, that isn't to say that any possibility of relating would be lost, it's just that my expectation going into this talk was that any wisdom, advice, and experience i had to share with them would be irrelevant to them.  because in many ways i live my life very differently than most women my age.  my thoughts on purity and modesty are rather extreme for many, but in reality, they are not all that extreme.  as for body image, where was i even to begin?  do i lie to them? or do i tell the painful truth? and then as i really began to ponder all of this "girl talk" i realized something significant. 

in the last few years, i've really begun to make peace with myself and my body.  and maybe in the past few months have i really begun to strike a balance that contributes to a healthier, more honest lifestyle in all respects.

the main thing i've been learning is to let go of being at odds with my body.  i could list a hundred plus things i dislike about my body, couldn't we all?  and yet, i find when i am regularly exercising and feeding my body with good things like greens, proteins, and other God given goodness, i like my body a lot more.  okay, maybe like is a strong word, but i more easily make peace with what i see when i am doing these "good" things.  but sometimes, doing good goes out the window, because i get busy or stressed or...and then i am unrelenting with my hatred towards my body and really myself, my whole person.  and it goes way beyond, the curves and cellulite.  it cuts right to the core of me.  why?  why do we do this to ourselves?  why is it when you're in line at the grocery store and you look at a magazine and you see...she lost a 100lbs and got her life back...30lbs in 30 days...how this actress changed her life by dropping weight...why do we put all of our value in how our bodies look? 

don't get me wrong, there is a deep correlation with bodily health and self confidence.  but it is not the end all or be all of it.  in many ways, we each have to decide for ourselves what defines our core values.  for some women, it will always be their weight, jean size, and overall look that defines their core value.  and that is sad.  it is sad that something so petty, meaningless, and changing, can define for them their beauty and significance.  we discussed this in our "girl talk".  the amazing thing is...these 14-18 year old girls of all shapes and sizes, of all different looks, seemed to get that. their value comes from something, from Someone so much bigger than this fat/skinny talk.

the thing i wanted these girls to get...what i want to get...is that cliché truth that we are more than our looks, that it is what's on the inside that counts, is in fact just so true.

guys and jean size cannot determine our value.

only One can.

only One does.

this is our starting place.  that's the decision we made.  when we get up each morning, when we look in the mirror each day, when terrible thoughts creep in and horrible feelings attempt to take over...take every thought captive...speak truth into the lies...only One can determine my value, my beauty, my self and He is truth, love, and good.  He is all things lovely, all things wonderful, and therefore, so am i.

beyond this beginning, learning to walk in the truth, it soon became about striking a balance in this whole intake of the world, what i eat, and how i function day to day.  we talked about this as the main factors in how we feel about ourselves at any given moment.

we desperately need to begin our days with truth.  we need to saturate ourselves in God's love and truth.  and as we press on from there, i strive to continue on my day with prayer and a conscious awareness of God's love and what He wants to speak to me, show me, have me do....

beyond that i'm beginning to discover what works for me, what lifestyle changes i need to make, and how i can live my day to day life feeling healthy and better about my self and therefore my body.

for me, that's staying away from gluten as much as possible.  it seems like a fad now, but truly there is so much research that shows that most of us have some sort of gluten intolerance if not more severe allergies.  i feel better when i don't eat gluten.  everything works better, and somehow i look better.

saying no to sugar is part 2. and definitely the hardest.  i'm addicted to anything with the quick hype sugar gives.  but in the long run i feel better when my sugar intake is next to nada.  saying no to soda, chocolate, and sugar in my coffee is the first steps to curbing this desire for me.

daily exercise has been a priority for me for the last five years...now it's about upping the ante a little.

mainly, i just want to lead an honest life.  i want to eat clean, i want to live clean.  that covers everything from the products i buy, the food i eat, to the thoughts i think.  lots of books have served to inspire these new and revived efforts.

Specifically...

The Honest Life by Jessica Alba
Gluten-Free Girl Everyday by Shauna James Ahern
Wheat Belly by William Davis M.D.

and a host of blogs that advocate healthy gluten free eating and healthy whole living.

my thoughts do not end here on these matters, but this is where i stand today.  my heart and prayer really goes out to the ladies.  not to say that men do not struggle with these issues.  but it is definitely different between the sexes.  i look forward to seeing how we grow as we embrace the truth and attempt to live it out!