prayer.

i think most people pray.  at some time or another we all find ourselves whispering pleas, little thank you's, and big help me's to God whether we realize it or not.  i heard a lady say "God, help us" on a flight that got a little bumpy, i watched a homeless man weep on a street corner saying "Jesus" repeatedly under his breath, and i've seen many people approach the prayer room after a sunday church service.  we do it, we pray, whether we recognize it or not.

but sometimes i get stuck on and stumble over the point of such a thing as praying.  i wonder if God really listens to my prayers.  i question whether my prayers rank of any importance compared to the big heavy prayers of people dying, enduring war, terrible sicknesses, or great loss.  i look at my life and think my problems and longings don't really matter in comparison.  i get bogged down by the thought, why would God care about my stuff?  i look at how the past has unfolded and wonder if He is even capable of doing something miraculous or extraordinary with my life.

it is then that i realize that i've missed the point of this whole praying thing. i often pray and think about prayer with the intent of getting things. i think a lot of us do that. we look at God and the act of prayer and see it as a means to an end. God is a genie waiting to grant us our many wishes. what i've learned about prayer, and how i interact with God has been revolutionary. henri nouwen offers up incredible insight into what our prayer life with God can look like. no shoulds here. instead we are invited into this incredible intimacy with a big and capable God who looks at the things we call impossibilities and speaks possibility over them.
what i've learned about prayer from reading nouwen's book is so crucial, because everything he talks about takes me back to God's very own words.
i've learned that:

• prayer is about spending a few moments a day in the presence of God when we can listen to His voice precisely in the midst of our many concerns. it calls for a persistent endeavor on our end.
• prayer can be silence. that silence is filled with the caring presence of God.
• prayer involves reading the Bible. God's word speaks into our lives and allows us to look at the lives of others who encountered the same God we are.
• there is no need to force lengthy meaningless prayer time. God is not impressed by our words or time.
• true prayer: being all ear for God. (again is not so much about my words.)
• prayer is the essence of our spiritual life, without which all ministry (and life doings for that matter) lose their meaning.
• prayer involves putting our brokenness away from the shadow of the curse and under the light of the blessing.

sometimes i hold back from prayer because i feel like God is disappointed in me, or He is ashamed of me. maybe i am unwilling to repent because i feel like i have done the unforgivable. but these aren't feelings or truth from God. this is my own stuff, that i know i need to lay before Him. God does not require a pure heart before embracing us. even if we return only because following our desires has failed to bring happiness, God will take us back. God will receive us. God's love does not require any explanations about why we are returning. God is glad to see us.