inside of a december dream...

while i sit in the inbetween, living inside this winter dream, on a december day, i know you aren't far away.

thank you for saying hello.
thank you for hugging me.
thank you for helping me.
thank you for wanting me.
thank you for including me.
thank you for seeing me.
thank you for listening.
thank you for noticing.
thank you for believing.
thank you for thinking of me.
thank you for honesty.
thank you for believing in me.
thank you for hoping with me.
thank you for lauging.
thank you for singing.
thank you for loving.
thank you for being.
thank you for choosing me.
thank you for dreaming.
thank you.

Eventually...

Eventually. It's my new favorite word. Everything comes, everything happens, everything ends, everything begins...eventually.

Eventually offers some hope, and some relief.

Eventually comes after an especially long delay. "Finally!" We cry!

Eventually the flower blooms.
Eventually the seasons change.
Eventually we meet again.
Eventually time will heal the pain.
Eventually, we will...
we can...
it will...
it can...
eventually.

it'll happen...

but it hasn't happened yet, i'm not gonna let you get, ahead of yourself. it's your achilles heel.

and i'm not gonna hold my breath...

GRACE!

mmm...grace.

unconditional unmerited undeserved grace.

I loved this song they sang tonight in church. beautifully honest.
credit goes to switchfoot of course.

I am my own affliction
I am my own disease
There ain´t no drug that they could sell
Ah there ain´t no drugs to make me well
There ain´t no drug

There ain´t no drug
There ain´t no drug
It´s not enough
The sickness is myself

I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I made a mess of me I wanna the get back rest of me
I made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my live alive
The rest of my life alive!

We lock our souls in cages
We hide inside our shells
It´s hard to free to the ones you love
Oh when you can´t forgive yourself
Yeah forgive yourself!

There ain´t no drug
There ain´t no drug
There ain´t no drug
The sickness is myself

I made a mess of me I wanna get back the rest of me
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my life alive
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna reverse this tragedy
I´ve made a mess of me I wanna spend the rest of my live alive
The rest of my life alive!

this truth resonates in my heart and soul.
this is the battle. it's so hard to not walk around ashamed, masking pain, masking the mess that is me. i am awake to the pain of not being able to control my life the way i thought i could. i am always trying to fix everything, cover up the symptoms, manage the sin. i am so humbly grateful that grace does not depend on me or anything i can do, but solely on a faithful always loving God. Grace destroys my toxic thinking. Grace neutralizes sin's power. God is not ashamed of who i am.

Truth, Grace. Let it reign Lord. Reign Lord.

something wonderful.

thank you God for this most amazing dream.

thank you God for dreams unfoldings into realities.

thank you God for majestic beauties that nourish & inspire.

But we humans are most alive when we passionately pursue our dreams, live with purpose, and have a sense of destiny. We thrive when we are optimistic about the future. Bottom line: we cannot live the life of our dreams without an irrational sense of destiny. And all of us have dreams. More than that, all of us need dreams. Some of us sadly are just sleeping through them.

~Erwin Mcmanus

sunday thoughts.

To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to. ~Khalil Gibran



If I could find a way, you and i would drive that road, to another place... but this is home, and it's not always that easy.

There is an open world out there and we are just wandering through it, with closed eyes and with closed hearts that are bruised and wounded.

The past is in the past and the future has yet to happen.

All we have is this present moment, to live what we aspire...to live what we dream.

How am I doing that today? In this very moment?

Thank you Lord, for the encouragement of Your Living Breathing Words...

1 Corinthians 15:50-58~

I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. 51 Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— 52 in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. 53 For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. 54 When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”

55 “Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?”

56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

58 Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

2 Corinthians 5:9-10

9 So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it. 10 For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.

radiohead makes my day better :)

favorite song...beautiful video!


All I Need
I'm the next act
waiting in the wings
I'm an animal
trapped in your hot car
I'm all the days
that you choose to ignore
You are all I need
You are all I need
I'm in the middle of your picture
lying in the reeds
I am a moth who just wants to share your light
I'm just an insect trying to get out of the night
I only stick with you
Because there are no others
You are all I need
You are all I need
I'm in the middle of your picture
lying in the reeds
It's all wrong, It's all right
It's all wrong, It's all right
It's all wrong, It's all right
It's all wrong, It's all right
It's all, It's all...