gloomy, glorious, wonderful, dread!

i have been feeling so chaotic inside lately. i cannot seem to get my grasp on reality...i have been straying so deeply into my superbly skewed perspective of things.  what is real?  what is real? i continue to ask myself in an attempt to not get so entirely lost in the chaotic messy emotional mess that is my brain.

i am seriously dreading this week. dreading...i don't want to do all of the school tasks ahead of me. everything is so entirely out of my comfort zone. i know come sunday, God willing, I will wake up in my own bed and be so pleased with how the week went and that i conquered fear and boldly grasped life by the balls, but i just can't seem to appreciate the likelihood of that outcome until i arrive there.

i just wish it all didn't seem so daunting and dreadful in the meantime! ugh!  oh well, the shiny bright spot in all of this is that i do have some cute outfits to sport this week...perhaps i will post some pics of these adorable ensembles on here :)

another shiny bright spot is the grand encouragement this week, from who else, but teachers from my past.  how odd the timing of that now that i think of it :) it has been truly a blessing to hear from my delightful speech teacher from high school share her words of wisdom on the topic of "courage" and my college professor sent me a nice little message of encouragement that just made my day!  gosh, i didn't realize how special any of this was until i actually typed it out here.  Thank You Lord for that! What Gorgeous Timing You Have! Why do I doubt???


with all of this "big" school stuff coming up...i have the opportunity to take a few days off work, which is of course very nice, but this little break seems to have come when things finally seem to be gelling. hmmph! well i cannot curse and praise timing in the same post, so i will just hope next week will continue that way!

"W" still comes in everyday. i guess i didn't scare him off, i guess i kind of hoped that i had. so since i haven't i am now managing to be not so shaky and my heartbeat craziness that takes place the second he walks in the door has subsided to maybe a 120 beats per minute ;) i actually produce coherent words from my ever fumbling mouth with him when i do have the opportunity to interact and he just looks at me so sweetly, but there is always a perplexed nature that colors his "oh so sweet: expressions.  i like that maybe i've confused him, or that i make him a little nervous. he just makes my days a little more interesting ;)

and i seem to find myself increasingly drawn to "J." he is seriously one of the nicest people i have ever met of the male variety...i am not sure what to make of him, but i highly enjoy being in his presence.

other than that, i am also highly enjoying the gloom and cool of june.  it is romancing me in such a glorious way.  in spite of nerves running high, i find having the window open, or being outdoors seriously calms my soul.
and michael buble seems to be the perfectly fitting  running theme music for june thus far. if i ever have my dream wedding...which will consist of about eight to ten people (and that includes me and that dude i will call my husband) we will dance to this song (if he's okay with it.) outdoors under the soft moonlight!