becoming. part two.

i trust that there will come a day when i can look at my life and finally realize, and reflect upon, how things really began to come together.  it's hard to see right now.  it is a struggle of faith and trust.  i feel the despair swell inside of me, the worry can be all consuming at times.  but i know that happens when my eyes are fixed inwardly.  i feel as though i am starting from scratch again.  every "sure thing" has now been taken away, or i let slip away; all for a reason, i keep telling myself.  really, i don't know.  i don't know what will happen or the exacts of what i am looking for.  all i see right now is a general vague picture of what it all can be.  what i can be.

recently i was struck by a comment i heard on a new show i love, called "the conversation."  first of all, the show is amazing.  i love the style of two women, in a stripped down sort of setting, having a genuine dialogue on what its like to be a woman.  diane von furstenberg was interviewed for an episode and she said the most eloquent thing on the topic of becoming.  she talked about how she maintained the constant of being a friend to herself. i thought that was beautiful. in particular, to the question posed to her about anything she had to teach on business and finance, she basically admitted that she fell into the direction her life took, simply following the fact that she "did not know what i wanted to do, but i knew the woman i wanted to be."  that is such an encouraging thought to me.  especially when i find myself back wavering on the edge of the pit of despair.  i haven't any solid idea of where my future will take me, but i love that there is comfort and joy to take in the woman i am, the woman i am becoming, the woman God made me.

i know the woman i want to become.  today this is what guides me, and keeps me pressing on.