dreaming.

this whole blog has been centered on the idea of dreams.  dreaming is somewhat akin to sustenance in my book.  i need a dream to keep my life in forward motion.  we fill our days with to do lists, we read the news headlines with worry and alarm, we consider the state of our jobs, our families, and relationships, and sometimes i wonder how we keep it all together and keep pressing on.  but we do, for the most part.  sometimes we aid our forward motion with unhealthy things basically meant to keep us from offing ourselves. but there will come an end to that as well.  we have dreams that can sustain us for a moment...but we need dreams to sustain us through a lifetime and to wake us up with joy in the morning and carry us calmly into the evening.  my personal dreams are small and simple.  i never wanted much, and what i dream of, on the outside, seems easily attainable.  some days though it seems as if those dreams just aren't meant to be. in spite of that, the hope they offer me never leaves, and i know that is because of the BIG dream that they are rooted in.  The dream of eternity with LOVE.

floating.

lately, i've just been...sigh...floating along with life, in life, maybe just outside of life.  let me first clarify, i am not depressed, nor am i sad, nor am i really confused.  maybe i'm a little tired, maybe even a little bored, but truthfully i can't exactly place just what it is i am feeling.  i'm longing for a change of scenery, however, it is not because i don't like the scene i am currently living in.  i feel like i am staring at a bright sunshine with no reason to complain, and yet here i sit...feeling a bit...lost. maybe? i don't know. it's such a strange feeling, place in life, i've never really encountered before.  frankly i do not know how to pick up and move on from it.  i can't seem to brush it under the rug, the way in which i can with sadness and despair.  it is not bad, nor is it good.  i sense it is something God is behind.  He is using these feelings, this floating time, to stir something in me, to open a new door, to lead me somewhere different. when i consider this, i become very afraid and anxious that somehow i will miss it.  maybe i've been too lazy or too afraid to notice it. maybe i'm allowing too much noise or busyness in my life that i will not be attentive to His voice. but then again, He has a pretty good record of drawing me out of my messes, my sadness, my confusion, and leading me to a path anew, without any help from me.
i can't help it...this song makes me feel calm and hopeful, strangely enough...floating in the forth...