untitled or an undefined expression of grief

here i go.
i am stepping off the magnificent cliffs of sorrow
and am plunging down into a freezing blue pool of anguish.

it is the contradictions of life that behold us now as we struggle to keep our heads above water.
beautifully messy.
accept don't expect.
limited possibilities.
the window of opporunity has slimmed to a teeny tiny little peep hole.
are we just floating along?

Swim! Swim hard, swim fast!

"Unfair!" she cries.
"yes, well, who said it would be fair?"

"No one cares!" she whines.
"yes, well, do you?"

"I used to." her reply falls on deaf ears.

I tried to care about you. Maybe to make myself feel better. But I didn't or I couldn't. I am not really sure which anymore. So I take what is safe in my arms, and I hold it close.

I am terrified, it will tear me up, and leave me here wounded and alone.

But I hold onto that which is not real.
What is real? I am numb to real's touch.
My body used to feel delicate under what was real.
I could feel my blood flow through my veins.
Where did that feeling go?

I am numb.



Who are you? Where did you come from?
Why aren't you here anymore?